Friends

Yay, I have new years eve plans. Going to Toledo to hang with Wes and the boys...what could be more fun?! Apart from outlandish plans that aren't feasible, lol. I remember the last new years eve we spent together it was in my dorm room...we got drunk and hung out with the security door people lol. It was actually hilarious.
I'm excited to go to Moms for Christmas. It's going to be weird next year when I'm not living in Michigan and can't go to her house whenever I like. But it's not like I really visit anyway...last weekend was the first time I EVER went to visit just to hang out, in the past 5 years I've been on my own. So...whatever, lol.
I guess I'll bake peppermint brownies for the fam as my Christmas gift to them. I feel kind of bad about it since either my mom is chronically on some kind of diet, but it never lasts long...and come on, it's the holidays haha.
I started working out again. Nothing strenuous, just extremely low impact cardio and a bun/thigh workout I used to do all the time a few years ago. It really helps me mentally as well...I feel more focused and stable, not as out of control. I have a serious problem with carbs...probably always will lol.

Overall, annoyed. And that is simply because of the incessant, repetitive songs played over and over and over in every style imaginable. If I didn't hear one more Christmas song the rest of my life, it would be too soon.

Other than that, the holidays are fine. I feel sorry for people who have depressing memories from them. Must be extra annoying and awful.

Last night was exactly what I needed. Drunken. Fun. When don't I need drunken fun?? I'm always up for it. I got trashed with my friend Jamie and this guy that I had a crush on from my old school (who I hadn't thought of, nor thought I'd ever see again). We all drank in the apartment and then went out to South University to the bars, which is my favorite street in town to go barhopping. It's definitely more fun and wild, rather than South Main street, which is more ritzy and classy. We had a killer time just being drunk fools, you know how that goes. So anyways, me and that guy ended up making out on and off, and for a long time before cuddling to sleep. I COULD possibly like him...if he calls me. I just told him to get my number from Jamie before we all said bye today. In the morning we watched tv, goofed off, Jamie started drinking again and then we all went out to lunch with Jamie's parents lol. I had the best freakin' omelette ever, mediterranean style from this little cafe on north campus.
So yeah....great time. I have to say I do have an amazing social life if nothing else!

I am great about new years resolutions. Every time I make them, I keep them. My friend Robb mentioned on fb how he was already writing his....good idea, I say. Though it might be better to write them down after I wake up and have a clear head, let's see...

GTFO of Michigan and move to Socal...goes without saying really. It's going to happen. It just simply is.
Find what makes me really happy and ultimately find stability.
I need to go back to what I always found interesting and stop trying to be something I'm not just so I can make money. This year was full of lessons that I'm not going to forget. I'd like to find someone stable and commit to me, when I won't have any problem committing to them...anyone who knows me knows I have a huge problem with making any kind of long term commitments! I can never make up my mind. Anyways, I'd love that person to be Greg...who knows, maybe we're meant to be. And maybe he'll have his new girlfriend still...only time will tell I guess. I'll always love him no matter what happens, he knows that, and he'll always love and care about me even if we're not romantic. I guess I can be thankful for that. Friends and family are the most important part of life to me now.
I'm really excited about the prospects 2010 will bring my way! I think the best way to kick it off is have a rockin' new years eve. Anything but listening to my friend and her boyfriend quarrel with his mother at her house....happy 2009, lol. So yeah, tryin' to find a party to go to or something.

( more about Kurara-chan, so go on and ignore, most of you! )

(sorry for the nonsensical update!)

Today was a good day full of good things!

Actually, I didn't get very much work done today because I didn't get started till late (as usual...) and then I went out to see THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG!!!!! around 2:30. And then after that I went to an art show at GV.

The art show was awesome, and I'm really glad I made it because it was the show of one of my friends and it'd be such a sad thing not to be able to go and congratulate her on her accomplishments! I almost did miss it, because the show was supposed to be last Thursday and the weather was blizzardy and quite bad for driving, but fortunately(?) the weather was SO bad they closed the campus early and rescheduled the show reception for tonight. (if it had been any other week, I suppose the reception would have been cancelled rather than postponed, but this week is exam week so there wasn't another show scheduled, so last week's show got to stay up longer! hooray!!) My illustration prof was there, so I got to talk to him for a while, yay :D And after the show, I got to see Jane and give her cute manga to read! I hope she will like them.

And, the movie! The movie was GREAT. I would see it again and again and again!! And again. My favourite character was Charlotte, though they were all pretty great. Charlotte just made me laugh my head off, and that's a sure way to win me over. And the animation was gorgeous~~~ It was really just a treat to look at. Thanks for going with me, Ashley!!! :D

And now my cat is all curled up on a blanket under my chair, being the cutest cat that ever was. Oh, I love her!

(also, I got I Hate You♥ 1-4 back, yay yay yay! I think I will read it tonight! it will be all like new to me again!)

Oh, and I am knitting a most wonderful, adorable scarf that is fluffy and soft and striped pink-and-white. Our church is collecting (newly) knit/crocheted things to give to kids at an elementary school we are sponsoring. My mum suggested I use a more "industrial strength" colour than light pink or white, and maybe I will if I knit something else, but I really wanted to make something cute and pretty... and they are machine-washable acrylic yarns. So I think it's okay? I am excited to be working on it! It's fun to imagine who might end up wearing it. I'll probably never meet her, but I guess that's okay... :D

Let me start out by saying, I seriously need mental help. Professional, mental help.
It has been WELL over a year since I broke up with Greg. And the entire time I was completely content and fine with my decision, with no regrets...until about a week ago. And I have no idea why this happened so suddenly. Now I can't help but think I just screwed up and over the best person to ever come my way and i have no shot at redemption.
Why do I suddenly miss him so bad? It is so horrible, it hurts as if I just got dumped myself. I told him all of this, he has a new girlfriend and wrote me a very harsh, direct email about how it's just plain over. He wants me to be happy, and now I just can't. I fucked myself over without realizing it yet again.
I have come to the harsh realization that there is no one else out there. It is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I realize love matters more than anything else. And he loved me...very, VERY much, and did absolutely everything he could for me and our relationship. I always took it for granted and at the end, I let someone so awful get in the way and let myself ruin everything. Although I couldn't help what I felt, I just straight up didn't consider Greg and his feelings and intentions at all.
I wish more than anything he would take me back. I am absolutely pathetic, and I wish it had some justification. He is someone I will always love and miss, i guess :( You would think this JUST happened yesterday! After our most recent altercation, I hid in my room with only movies and candles for company. I cried a lot. I couldn't stand my life feeling so empty and have no one but myself to blame. I came to my moms to spend the weekend since I have so much time off work. Needed some kind of escape... even now I am barely speaking.
He's online now and I want to talk to him but what would I say? What would be the point? I'd better have some ounces of dignity left. At the same time I don't want him to get offline, because then he'll be 'gone' again. This is so bad.

Oh man, it seems like everyone's against me today (it's not really a big deal though).

At like 10 or 11 this morning some folks knocked at the door offering free quotes for putting gutters on roofs, and when I opened the door the girl started to say "Are you the owner of this house?" but then changed her mind and asked, "Are your parents home?" Now, I suppose this was alright because after all I'm not the homeowner, but at 24, it's not impossible that I might be! And she could have at least said, "Is the homeowner available" or something, not "Are your parents home?" like I was a kid who's not allowed to talk to strangers...

Then a little later we got some phone solicitation for a not-a-donation-request-but-a-magazine-subscription-a-percentage-of-the-proceeds-will-go-to-XX-organization. At one point she asked me if I was 18 or older and when I answered in the affirmative she said, like, "Oh, you sounded like a little girl over the phone ha ha ha." Ha ha ha... No magazine subscriptions for me, thanks (I didn't really plan to anyway, because I don't read magazines).

But whatever. I complain, but it's not like I actually hate it. Usually. At least I'm in good company, with shoujo manga heroines like Chiaki from Magic Touch, or Me & My Brothers' Sakura-chan♥ (I just read volume 10 yesterday~♥ I thought I'd die from the cute, oh my goodness! I really really (really really) want to read Tokeino-sensei's newest series, even though I know I really will die from the cute then!)

Unrelated to almost everything, but: every time I see the name Tybalt I immediately think of "Tybalt the fiery Tybalt!" (spoken with maximum enthusiasm despite its redundancy). I don't remember whether that came from my 9th grade English class, or my brothers' (we had the same teacher), or even why that was the thing to call him. But it never fails to make me laugh :D Brndn, what do you say?